mapapatawad mo ba ko?

kung ang nararamdaman ko ay maglaho,
kung mas matimbang ang mga pangarap ko,
kung hindi ko yang panindigan ang mga sumpa ko sa'yo,
kung hinayaan na lang kitang mawala sa buhay ko.

alam ko. oo. ngunit hindi ngayon.

I have learned a lot

i was terribly hurt yesterday about all those things being imposed on me. to tell the truth, i really feel that i don't deserved to be treated that way but it happened, and i let it happen because i know it will happen no matter what.
i had learn to trust myself even more. i learned a lot from some precious people who did not give up on me yesterday and i love them better.

the coolest day i've ever had!!!

nakakapanibago ang lahat... nilantutay na naman kami ng exam ni sir amatz sa botany and it seems like lalo pang bumibigat ang mga exam nya.. lalo na yung practical... grabe.. hanep... pero aus lang.. parang wala lang sakin na hindi ko nabasa ang laboratory notes ko at parang wala lang sakin na wala akong nasagot na sigurado sa mga types of specimen.. wheer..wheer..
nagyaya sila manuod ng she's the man pero un4tunately di pa pala showing un sa SM.. den we decided to eat na lung at McDo, everything is fine...
eating galore... xempre ang mga kaumpukan ko na naman sa kainan ang kasama ko: dude lilet and my piglet jerome... hehehe... pero dis tym we're not trying to make sense out of senseless things but we're talking about independency, our work in the future, getting married and pursuing medical course, in short, serious kami ngayon... wahaha...
dumating din sa joke time at dun na nagsimula, nabuhos ko ang mismong drinks ko sa uniform ko.. yeah, while i was sitting... tnx God, sprite ang inorder ko, kaya pala for the first time nagdalawang-isip akong mag-sarsi!!!, nabasa ang wallet ko, cellphone ko (na ngayon ay sira na ang LCD, na nagkakahalaga daw ng 4thou.. ampotah, san ako kukuha ng gnung halaga) at higit sa lahat nagmukha akong transparent but the most unbelievable thing that happened eh, parang wala lang skin... wala akong naramdamang kahit konting embarassment man lang kasi napatingin din yung ibang nakain, wala, kewl na kewl lang ako sa pagpunas ng sarili ko at talga naman ang lola mo, mega-demure pa sa pagpaypay ng uni4m, nagtataka tuloy sina jerome, di man lang daw ako nataranta or pinagpawisan, as in wala.. anu kaya tlga ang nangyari?
at eto pa, xempre pag-uwi ko mejo basa-basa na lang ng konti ung uni4m ko den punta ko ng bayan para mapaayos yung cp ko, aba, 2 hours na kong nakatayo at di parin gingalaw yung cp ko ng technician, eh wala lang sakin.. nagtataka tuloy yung pamangkin kong si nikki, hindi daw ako yun kasi for sure, ngitngit na ngitngit na daw ako sa galit at baka pinagsisigawan ko na yung tao dun, well, kahit ako din ay nanibago sa sarili ko... haay, wat a day?!
sana lagi na lang akong ganito...
PS. nakatambak na lang ang CP ko ngayon, at di tulad ng dati hindi nangangati ang mga daliri kong magtext... hehe....

Da Aileen's Code

since i could not post all my thoughts in any of the four blogs i have, i used to write chips of my thoughts in pieces of papers... usually those, thoughts, poems or quotes are the ones whom i treasure the most and those pieces of papers holds the most coveted words i dare no one to know..

few days ago, i wrote the most meaningful short poem that i could wrote. it probably draw the best design of my future. each bit of letters reveals my plan for life. each period, each comma, were wrote with such love and i knew, i wouldn't be able to be that so serious (and poetic, i guess) again.

the fuzz is that due to my stupid carelessness, i lost it. although, i remember few of its compositions, i wouldn't be able to write it all again with such beauty. help me Lord, not to turn unholy.

chunky peanut butter

dumilim ang paligid
may tumawag sa pangalan ko
labing-isang palapag
tinanong kung okey lang ako
sabay abot ng baso
may naghihintay
at bakit ba
'pag nagsawa na ako
biglang ayoko na
at ngayon
di pa rin alam
kung ba't tayo nandito
pwede bang itigil muna
ang pag-ikot ng mundo

waiting shed

bakit ba sa lahat ng bagay na gusto nating makamit kailangan ang paghihintay?
may takdang oras ang bawat pangyayari.
may mga panahong gugulin mo sa parang walang katapusang pagpupursigi.
may oras din para tumigil at umiyak at mag-isip kung back-out na ba.

pero may mga hindi hinihintay ngunit dumarating
parang ulan sa tag-araw. nakakabigla.
sana hindi na matapos.
ngunit dahil hindi siya nakatakda, mawawala na lang ng hindi namamalayan.

natuto na ko.
kahit anumang panahon ang magdaan.
maaalala mo man ako o hindi. hindi na mahalaga.
maghihintay naman ako sa nakalaan.

its just a mere anticipation
long before i fin'lly knew
i've lost the art of fighting
and so i grew old and cruel
and you threw the ideal
replace it with the peel
i'd never seen you this bad
and i'd never felt this good
i've offered you strength
but you let me drown in tears
see the life that you should have
see the love you took so bad
see me as if you always do
at times it felt so right
to be in this misery
when you and me can never collide
in this piece of earth
we found a home
but we threw fire and let it burn
we painted colors of brighter hue
but we splashes gray and let it blew
i've fallen back to prodigy
and shed my life to fallacy
and live as if i never breath
i run so fast and you always hide
i get tired and let it be
for we can never be
and that is all left for me.